Losing sexual attraction to your husband is not something to be underestimated. You may THINK you’re attractive, but your husband may not agree. I loved his big broad shoulders. He has changed their behaviour towards you. The fact that your husband does not, tells me something more is going on. If my husband puts on cologne, it’s a huge turn on for me! I am actually struggling with this issue. I'm not able to understand it's only 2.5 year of marriage and I'm always crying not fulfilling my hobbies. I also hear you using the Intimacy Skills, and I admire that! I’m not as flexible. ... Now it’s just wait and see if he willing to do all the work and prove he wants to be with me. Except in my head I’m not as happy as I should be. My wife and I had a heart to heart once and she said I can't read your mind and he can't read yours either go bold but genital. None of that was true, I was really trying to help him and be the perfect wife. First sign of this is wrong. It is a sad thing for wives when husband doesn't find them attractive anymore. “My husband would not just tell me how beautiful my body was or how pretty he thought I looked, but would describe in detail what he saw and how it made him feel. My pastor asked me if I had another man in my life and I told him no. I’m not asking for the impossible, just an … I just thought that I could do without the chemistry, even though I'm not attracted to my husband anymore, I though that the love alone would grow. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! This is solvable, but it’s a longer conversation than a blog response, so I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call here: So there. Happy Valentine’s day! (Your husband may not come out and say it, but he will come up with excuses other than your weight being an issue to not have sex with you.) A woman will have empathy for her friend who no longer finds her balding husband attractive but will respond with disdain if a man were to say, “My wife has put on thirty pounds in the last ten years. Gini, Great to hear that you’re finding my work helpful in your marriage. Any advice from others appreciated! He was the same guy, but my view of him had changed. He said styling his hair took too much effort, so instead he shaved it all off. Treat the cause, the symptoms will resolve themselves. Losing sexual attraction to your husband is not something to be underestimated. Happy Valentine’s day! We haven’t had a brooding day in nearly 20 years now, so there is hope for you. Your wisdom has been so helpful. Antoinette, That sounds rough! I touched on the sex life declining in the first point, but that is not … Tell him how much you love him . 8 Signs your husband isn’t attracted to you anymore. I'm not able to understand it's only 2.5 year of marriage and I'm always crying not fulfilling my hobbies. The weight gain is the symptom. He is my best friend, I love him and loved him for saving me from my journey of self destruction. His huge biceps indicated he could protect a little woman like me, which … I have done that all by myself and wish I had a partner during those rough times. It sounds like it’s rooted in he doesn’t think he needs to bother trying to look attractive for his wife, now that they’re married. Supported me to lose weight then both of us would’ve probably been a lot happier with the outcome. These days when I hear a woman starting down that old dirt road, I’m quick to change the subject, knowing she’s not going anywhere I want to go. We’ve been married for five years and haven’t had sex in over three years. I was a crying ugly mess when I finally did tell my husband. When I finally woke up and realized what I was doing, I noticed I wasn’t the only one. If a devilishly handsome man walks by and catches my eye for a few seconds, it doesn’t mean I’m about to cheat. In fact, now I hear so many stories of men knocking themselves out to make their wives and girlfriends happy or to serve their families, my whole perspective has changed. 5. I’m not as young and attractive as I was, but because my husband is supportive and not a complete arse hole, we still have a loving physical and emotional relationship. Another bad habit I had in my early marriage was being the martyr who was constantly working her fingers to the bone and getting cranky about it a lot. Having Prince Charming back around is worth it. My husband was saved when he was a teenager but was not living for God. He’s smart enough to figure all of that out himself. Even when he’s sick, I’m sympathetic, but also quick to say he’s a strong man instead of telling him to lie down or keep his foot elevated. ?? At all. Signs that your husband is attracted to another woman 1. Quite the opposite: it had me questioning why I decided to live with him in the first place. Rachael This is exactly the same for me - my husband is a lovely person, a caring and reliable husband, a great dad - I feel like I must be crazy to throw all that away! I pay for half of all his foods as we purchase groceries from a house account we have, yet any food i have to buy cause i have a 2 hour commute cause he doesnt want to move, i pay for with my own money, which he calls my disposable funds. I gained and lost 30lbs with both. I have been married for 9 in half years when I first met my husband my oldest was 6 and I had no other children . You think he has let himself go. I even tell him how I feel about myself and he just tells me to go work out because he’s tried of hearing me complain about my body. But other than that, he does his thing and i do mine. Your words from a response below. I should not have to ask/beg him to do these things and I refuse to “mother” him to get him to be clean. Told me I was getting unattractive and fat much earlier and 2. Some of this steps all over my little toes. He treats you with contempt. Should I tell him how I feel? Sometimes it really helps to hear it and see it written! He has struggled with depression before. That means I have testosterone. It doesn’t mean he’s going to chase her down or try to come on to her. Like your book, I really appreciate your posts! I am a guy. I struggled with wanting to do Gods will as I am very hard on myself and over analyze things. My husband is also no longer attracted to me but he also is not in love with me either. My boyfriend has a sex doll. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. I will sympathize and listen to him for hours and have done so for many years up until awhile ago. That’s not right–especially when you’re pregnant. My experience was that doing less ended up making us both much happier. I hate him for what he did. His huge biceps indicated he could protect a little woman like me, … I contribute half of all the house bills, including taxes and insurance, but i am not on the deed and i cannot claim anytjing. If you haven’t read The Empowered Wife, you’ll find it very valuable. Susan, I can really identify with what you’ve written–I felt the same way about not being able to practice self-care, and being hyper-focused on what my husband was doing and what he seemed to want instead of focusing on my own feelings and desires. I got goose bumps as I could tell he really meant it. He has his space with the door closed, and when I enter he guards his laptop and phone. I was giving so much I was miserable. I wrote about this in a blog about what to do if your husband is not attracted to you, but it’s just as likely to cause you to feel less attracted to him, or even repulsed by him. I have some ideas for you, but it’s a longer conversation. I think I can. I have made comments how a man that smells good and takes pride in himself are so much more attractive. Tomorrow I will forget she existed. https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/. I’ve finally realized something: I’m just not attracted to him. We have 3 children together and I thought a solid friendship (we still go on dates) and he does “care” about me, but he mentioned it is impossible for a woman of my age (over 40) to look as beautiful as a 20 year old. Your story resonates with mine in a myriad of ways. I agree that leaving your family to live in another state doesn’t sound like a great solution. Today, I’m focused on doing everything I can to make myself happy, including taking naps, gabbing with my friends and playing volleyball, for example. Thank you! I think you just haven’t had the right training. From the not bathing every day to the nasty halitosis to the unkempt facial hair. My husband is generally very helpful without me asking or nagging- we have stressful and busy lives, but I don’t feel like I need to mother him or be a martyr. 3. He trys to be attracted to me but deep down he’s not. It hurts when I think about it cause I know a husband isn’t supposed to talk to his wife that way. If your husband thinks you are not sexy, speaks that out loud to you (or implies it) and fails to respond humbly when you point out your hurt, then such carelessness is ultimately his to own — even if he won’t own it this side of Heaven. It is normal evolutionarily for women to want to breed with a range of men to increase species' diversity; we don't do this now but your mind is your own), plan more exciting date nights, and … Wow! It perpetuates negative feelings between couples. We used to have a great sexlife. And I … Only you know what’s best for your marriage–you’re the expert on your own life. My boyfriend has a sex doll. Looking forward to more wonderful changes as I follow your advice and attempt to practice the skills. That should lead to some good conversation. However, it can also be a sign that your husband is not attracted to you anymore, or at least that his attraction might be waning. My husband has told me that I’m not attractive because I’m too skinny. I’m just saying sometimes when you’re depressed you get into this kind of fugue where you’re stuffing yourself and you don’t see the changes in the mirror, or if you do they just are recognized at a lower form of consciousness if that makes sense. Talk to him. My problem is my man is not hygienic. He Does Not Look at the Same as He Did Before. It really enhanced five seconds of my day. Click here to join my FREE private Facebook group. I really believe he wants to be with me but I’m not sure why. But I can’t up and leave my kids to have him and the grandparents to raise our kids. Ooohh, girl, where are my steel toed boots when I need them? I am not attracted to him because he has done so much to hurt me he is not good in finances communication and sex that’s a understand statement the stress I have I don’t want to any more I am so frustrated my oldest attends Barry university in Miami . I gained and lost 30lbs with both. My kids still don’t have a light in their rooms,and 6 months later I am waiting ti be fixed,only God know when will that happen. No amount of cleaning up after himself is going to change that. I can deal with the minor annoyances you mentioned here. He’s gained about 70 lbs over the past 3 years. My girlfriend sat me down one day and said she was leaving me because I became fat and unattractive. I was this woman. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. (They are numerous; he is having some health issues.) Only tell him if you know that you will never leave him because of it AND it can be improved. Over the years he became more and more resentful and angry. Here’s what the bad habits are, along with what you can do to turn your frog back into a prince: Jenna was surprised when her husband decided to hose off their sick kid after he threw up instead of putting him in the tub. Talk to him. Yes B.) The curves, her huge … Jessica found it unbelievable that her husband wanted to watch sports for so many hours on the weekend. Encourage him to be his best, but be gentle with him. I’m just going to see how things go over time as I’m pregnant and it’s definitely not a good time to leave over the next few years. But trust me, this hygiene issue won’t be such a problem as you practice the Intimacy Skills. One of the most common problems I hear from wives is, “My husband is not attracted to me anymore.” It’s always heartbreaking because I remember how lousy that felt. Also,I believe there is more female bashing than male.Every standup comedy guy makes jokes about wives/females,and my husband enjoys that and believes females do have many issues. I tell you what, I’m more attracted to smells and sounds personally than just the physical appearance! After pregnancies, stretch marks, baby-weight, sleepless nights, stress, graying hair, sagging breasts from breastfeeding (or just time), all ... Here’s what I feel like he said, “your old and boring and I’m not interested or attracted to you at all anymore.” ... I’m 67 my husband is 66, married for 25 years, he has ED, we have tried meds and also went to a Dr who gave him meds to … These days I see examples of men being chivalrous, thoughtful and heroic every day, which I admire very much. Thanks for your support i know that you love people without strings and that is amazing thanks, Sara, Sorry to hear that your husband is bringing you down when you listen. Have you read my new book, The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband?s Time, Attention, and Affection? ... Splooster Can anyone tell me how this worked out for them? Consider having a complimentary discovery call to uncover the best move you could make for your relationship. Eeek! He avoids you. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. He is funeral director I need help I want to walk away so bad but don’t know what to do he needs help mental evaluation but he swears nothing is wrong, My husband openly asks me to be his mommy; that’s the word he uses. I thought I made a mistake and should divorce and try to find someone who suited me better. I’m hurt, i’m upset and i am very down about this. This is why he refuses to get rid of it. The thing is, I actually don’t think I do any of those 3 things. When I married my husband, I thought he was the most handsome, smart, funny, talented guy I’d ever met. I’ve apologized as usual but I find my self in this pattern a lot. He makes no effort to please you in any way. I've been with my guy for13 years and for about the past 5 I've … Weight gain is a part of that, sure, but this runs deeper than "my husband gained some weight". “My husband would not just tell me how beautiful my body was or how pretty he thought I looked, but would describe in detail what he saw and how it made him feel. To no avail I might add. He lives in shorts and sweatpants 24/7. Whether your husband tells you that he had a sexual relationship with the woman he is attracted to or he hasn’t, it does not change the fact that there is another woman in the picture. I know my man’s friends often bash females in their banter…women are less intelligent, they are nags, they are a nuisance, they are crazy, they are terrible drivers… Maybe we unwittingly bash them to feel better about ourselves? He says all the right things, but he left me before so I don’t believe him. Nevertheless i appreciate your articles and i agree that in the scenario you present above, the woman would truly be happy. Covid recently brought me back down to that level but went back on anti depressants and feel better. Thank you for asking this question, we women need reminders that our men need encouragement in these areas … ... and other people would define me as attractive… I’m 40 and I’m hurt and angry at him. The process of weight loss can be long and bumpy and prepare yourself to be supportive of his journey but also hold him accountable. He was trim and toned, with the best arms I’ve ever seen. If you find yourself less physically attracted to your partner because … More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. He avoids you. His family are also Muslim, but they make even my parents look super conservative and traditional by comparison, so he didn’t seem to understand why I was so upset/scared. When we do have sex, it’s great, but I don’t crave it. I know he’s self-conscious about his weight gain and appearance, and I don’t want to hurt him. All over the world women are wondering how to get their husbands to take out the trash! I just don’t find her appealing.” ... "I'm Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore" Juli Slattery is a TCW regular contributor and blogger. Age can definitely reduce the twinkle in the eye of … Yours will too when you stop male-bashing, mothering and making yourself a martyr. I’ve read your book and whole heartedly agree. In fact the first couple years of our relationship were a roller coaster of it, but since then he’s started therapy and anti-depressants. Before the worst thing happen, seek for help from the professional. Thank you for being here. I love him for who he is absolutely. Corona del Mar, CA, USA 92625 I swear now I love my husband and not in love with him. A fresh shower, cologne, and I’m in! I have four grown kids and 3 grandkids and i rather spend time with them than with the husband that clearly doesnt love me and clearly doesnt care to take care of me in any way. I think this webinar would probably be the best way I can help you in a hurry: Whenever he brings it up and asks if I’m still attracted to him I don’t have the heart to tell him that I’m not, so I just lie. The result is that he seems much more competent and capable to me, which is far more attractive, and I’m also more attractive to him without the maternal aura. I have sent subtle and not so subtle hints. The book The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband?s Time, Attention, and Affection for Life might give you some insight. I am completely disgusted. We have 3 children together and I thought a solid friendship (we still go on dates) and he does “care” about me, but he mentioned it is impossible for a woman of my age (over 40) to look as beautiful as a 20 year old. Why Am I Not Attracted to My Husband? I have been with my wife for 9 years and she picked up all of my slack in the relationship whether it was paying bills, all the cleaning, making appointments etc. They do none of this and still whine about not having sex daily. I feel like I love him but I’m not in love with him. But you are so right, the hubs doesn’t need bashing… or even bossing. Except in my head I’m not as happy as I should be. I love my husband, but I’m not sexually attracted to him. That said, what strikes me here is that Einstein’s husband admitted that he found her attractive for other reasons than her looks. My stomach isn’t flat any more. It may affect your marriage in a terrible way, causing infidelity, and even separation. My husband was saved when he was a teenager but was not living for God. All he has is a house that his grandparents left him. Oh boy that this article describe me to the “T”. Only thing that came to my mind when reading is that my husband does these things to me all the time (woman bashes on daily basis-i say ouch he apologizes then does again) that you say not to do and unfortunately not every woman lives a life where she can do what she wants all the time. Thank YOU Bam!! So how would you ask him to take out the rubbish? The media these days doesn’t help. Married 6 years. I was the perfect wife–until I actually got married. When we do have sex, it’s great, but I don’t crave it. I’ve gained about thirty pounds since we got married and I’m 56 years old. I’m hoping this is just a phase, but it feels like the skills have clarified things in making breaking up feel like the wisest decision. My biggest mistake was signing a pre nup. When I was doing maternal things for my husband, I found him really unappealing. You are very lucky to be with a man who loves and supports you the way he does. I used to have a bad habit of getting together with other women to talk about how ridiculous, thoughtless and immature men are, and I punctuated my points with examples of my husband enjoying inane shows like The Three Stooges, or not wiping off the counter when he cleaned the kitchen, or proposing hamburgers when I said I wanted to have a healthy lunch. Love dilemmas: I’m not attracted to my fat husband A TODAY.com panel answers relationship questions from readers in our weekly advice column. He is my best friend, I love him and loved him for saving me from my journey of self destruction. ... they must think “he must have money”. If you are no longer attracted to your husband, here are a few things to consider: Many women are married to men that they aren't sexually attracted to. Could be why she’s with me, but I’m not sure I care at … The pain of the truth makes him unattractive in deeper ways listed here. I'm half here for validation because I feel like I'm going insane and can't tell anybody I know for obvious reasons, but if I am being unreasonable, please tell me. That would just be cruel. It really enhanced five seconds of my day. I look at his Instagram and he likes all of these girls that have big booties and boobs and no stretch marks. He’s been on them for about 5 years now and generally seems to now be “fine,” for lack of a better word. Agree of special treats at specific milestones, that usually works for me. If you are no longer attracted to your husband, this is undoubtedly taking a toll on your relationship overall, not to mention your sexual intimacy specifically. ... Like I’m my body is not attractive to him and needs to go to strip joint to satisfy his need for a woman.I am currently In my first … Congratulations! Dear Laura, Thank you for sharing your wisdom with all of your readers!
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